The head Honcho, the big Nacho Supreme Ayatollah Ali Khamenei has a new message for his young martyrs.

He’s told them the nation is in crisis. The war between the hegemonic and the subversive is changing. And he’s not promising heaven or eternal peace on a swollen cloud cushioned by several soft and voluptuousness virgins.

The country’s intelligentsia has fallen into those confounded hegemons’ hands again. Four diplomats have been sold into American’s custody. Israeli jails are holding two of the country’s leading nuclear scientists. And the Ayatollah, along with the support of the Associated Union of Islamic Students (USIA) is calling on the youth for a “Special Operation.”

Their covert mission: “Rescue the Nuke Scientist.” And–with the advent of 3-D technology, speedy microprocessors, and the growing pulse of drum-and-bass–they can achieve it from the comfort of their desk chair or local internet cafe.

That’s because “Rescue the Nuke Scientist” is a video game.

But more than that, it’s a defensive rebuttal to what Iranian leaders are calling the “enemy’s cultural onslaught,” which recently took the form of Kuma Reality Games‘ popular release, “Assault on Iran.” So while googly-eyed American gamers are coaxed away from the news in favor of fighting heathens and nuclear firebrands, the Iranian kids are aiming to thwart their meddling efforts in whatever way they can.

In the face of aggression and infringement, they’re practicing sacrifice and devotion and covert resistance. When they die, they’re rejuvenated with the incantation: “With resistance and help you can battle the enemy.” And they are reborn, ad infinitum, ready to pry their country’s pride away from meddling hands.

But if the operation itself seems covert, its creation was anything but. One of the game’s student creators admitted the project was a carefully meditated policy for influencing the country’s youth. They actually sat down and planned it. They studied what was the best way to get into the minds of their children. And they decided on video games.

Appalling… I know.

Thank the lord almighty that our country’s tabula rasas aren’t being scribbled upon with the poor penmanship of the big Nacho Supreme.

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